After much consideration, self-contemplation, and a lot of weighing the pros and cons of the decision over and over to a seemingly infinite degree I have decided to wait a year to apply to grad school. Here is how I came to decision:
First off, as most of my good friends can attest, I’m not one to put stuff off that’s important. Although I tend to procrastinate papers (case in point: the paper I’m putting off now in writing this blog) I never procrastinate on those important life decisions that one must make. I learned from several early/mid twenties personal crises that it’s best not to put off such decisions. That said, I’ve somehow managed to put off even asking for letters of recommendations for my application. I’ve sat down at least a half dozen times to write my personal statement and each time it comes out sounding like I have nothing better to do than go to grad school. Furthermore, the idea of even sitting down and working on my application makes me ill: I am physically tired of school to the core of my being and it hurts to even consider going for another year.
Second, and probably most importantly, I know that right now my heart is not in it. It’s just not. I have been going to school since 2004, and since spring semester 2006 I have been going year round (both semesters + summer school) full time. I’m exhausted!
Last, I have completed my goal. In an effort to make sense of all this decision making about grad school I thought it best to go back through my old journals and blogs from the last few years, especially those when I decided to go back to school, and I realized that I’ve even exceeded the goal I set out to do. When I went back to school in 2004 my goal was “to find a better job, and get an AA.” Both of those were completed: I found a new, great job, in a new field in spring of 2006, and I received not one, but two, AA’s in the summer of 2008. My goals are finished, completed: exceeded, considering I never even thought I could get a four year degree, especially from a school like UC Davis.
There you have it. A decision made and now that it’s down on my blog I feel I can finally stop fretting over this and plan my next year. I’m excited that we are still going to move to SoCal, and not going to school is going to give me ample time to find a job down there and work on my application and personal statement for 2011. Plus, it’s an opportunity to get some more experience in the library field, doing more volunteer work and getting more connections within different library circles and college campuses. For the first time in months I’m looking forward to next year.
What a relief. I like school and for awhile there I was feeling more burdened than pleasure; not a good feeling about something you love.
Thanks for reading, and thanks so much to everyone for the support. Everyone who gave me feed back on FB really helped me look at all perspectives, and it was great to know that so many people would support me despite the decision I make. I really have an awesome group of friends.
