Entry 55—AKA: “Trying to decide what’s worse.”

I got a job. It’s not a great job. I’m trying to remain optimistic, though. The job is at a Panera bakery as a customer service clerk. Basically, taking customer orders and cleaning tables. Minimum wage. I’m not thrilled.

I’m sure I don’t have to explain why it sucks so hard to have worked for 5 years on a degree only to look for a job for 5 months and only get offered one at minimum wage at a cafe.

It screams typical “humanities” major. I guess, on the bright side, it’s not a bookstore which is where I thought I’d end up for sure. I’m sure it’s not so bad. It’s a job, which is all I was hoping for at this point, so I’m not going to complain about it.

Otherwise, my next best shot is much better. I’m currently in the running for a position at a bank as a teller in Seattle. I can’t wait to find out if I get it. The second interviews are next week sometime and though they didn’t call me today to set it up, I’m confident they’ll call me. The first interview went so great. I had it almost right after my Panera interview, which was a great warm-up for the bank interview. The manager was very interested in what I had to say and the interview lasted almost an hour. I feel so good about this that it’s hard not to get my hopes up, but at the same time, the last thing I want is to cry for two days the last time I was disappointed. Must stay positive, but must also maintain a level of distance that will not depress me to that point again.

I haven’t heard from any other jobs yet. Sad, isn’t it? 5 months of job hunting has led to a grand total of 5 calls to set up interview. Of those 5, only 2 have actually turned into an interview. Of those 2, I’ve only been offered one job, and it’s a minimum wage clerk at a bakery. FML.

I’m not going to discourage myself. The economy is discouraging enough without my help.

If I get the job at the bank so much will change for us. Jason doesn’t have a job there yet, so I’ll be moving up there and finding and apartment asap, and he’ll join me later as soon as he finds one. It might be a week, or a month, but if he doesn’t find one, he’ll move up after the holidays. It will be nice to have two incomes for awhile, though, especially since he just got another raise at work.

Two incomes. How nice that will be again. Plus, though we’ll be apart for awhile, if he does work through the holidays we’ll put aside enough money to have a good amount of savings to live fairly comfortable up there until he finds something.

I think the job market in Seattle is much better than here anyway. Considering I spent 4 months applying for jobs everywhere between Sacramento and San Diego and got a grand total of 2 calls—both of which flaked on me for the interview—the job market in CA clearly sucks. The first time I applied to a number of jobs in Seattle I got 3 calls within a week. Even if this round of jobs doesn’t pan out I think my next round will. I just have to figure out where to apply?

Entry 54—AKA: “The one that took me two weeks to write.”

I know I’m depressed when I become offended by everything. I was sitting in my brother’s car today, on the way to have dinner with our mom, when he asked me if I have had any callbacks from job applications. I looked around at his new Acura: 2007, all electronic, built in GPS, screen, leather seats and for a moment I was so upset I wanted to cry.

I managed to choke out a no, and buried my hurt feelings under the attentions I suddenly lavished upon my phone.

I know I was naive. I know I was. To think for a moment I would have a chance at walking into any kind of job within three months of graduation was (and is) nothing more than the naive anticipations of someone who doesn’t understand the world as it is right now. Yet, at the same time, I cannot escape this feeling that I’ve wasted so much time, time and effort, not to mention money, getting an education that has done nothing to improve my place in the job market. I find myself asking questions like “should I have just quite school when I got my AA’s and kept working full time?” I had a great job—and if I had never advanced my education I would have been adequately qualified, and probably not bored with it as I was after I became more educated. I could have retired with the college; I would have a better shot at other jobs at the college. I could be an administrative assistant now, and be eligible for other jobs and have more experience…

Instead I’m here. Jobless, with an education that does little to set me apart from the dozens of hundreds of other unemployed humanities majors. I must admit, disappointment doesn’t even begin to describe.

In all honesty, I’ve not been as depressed as I am right now in years. I’m ashamed at how my post-graduation life has turned out. I’m embarrassed to admit that I don’t know what to do. I’m devastated that my dream—the one I’ve been working towards for the last 5 years—has turned out to be yet another disappointing mark in my otherwise disappointing series of milestones that is my life.

How to combat this? I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Some days I’m happy just going about my job hunting. Just last week I realized that grad school applications are due soon, and that injected some meaning into my otherwise meaningless existence…

I hope something works out soon; I’m not sure how much longer I can feel like this without having a breakdown. Plus, I’m really tired of feeling sad.

Entry 53--AKA: "Looking to the future."

I added a weather gadget to my iGoogle homepage last week. In the weather gadget I have both Sacramento and Long Beach listed. I have found that this small addition has given me the hope that yes, someday, I will move to Long Beach. It has given me something to look forward to since it seems lately I have very little to look forward to. It's still hard for me to believe I don't go back to school in a few weeks; it's strange not to have to be looking for school supplies, and making sure I have enough binder paper and testing bluebooks. It's like I'm finally an adult.

How strange it is, then, that now that I'm finally an adult that for the first time in my adult life I don't have a job or a means of paying for myself. It is so frustrating to finally be done with school and be in a position where I'm qualified for good jobs, and yet not be able to find one. At least I'm trying....just need to keep looking.

Entry 52—AKA: “Life after graduation”

I has been nearly two months since I graduated from higher education and I am no closer now to having a job than I was when I first returned to school. Well, I might be closer but it sure does not feel like it. I have put in application after resume, after application after resume and I haven’t received a single call back or interview. It would be a lie to say I’m not depressed about my lack of prospects, but I’m trying very hard to maintain a positive attitude.

I am, after all, fairly confident that it’s not me. The economy (so they say) is not good right now; it is not the kind of economy someone goes out into with the expectation of finding the job of their dreams within a few days. For ever opening on the market there are probably minimum 100 applications—even for those jobs people “don’t want.” Employers, of course, want only the best of the best so the screening process is near impossible. Furthermore, people who are far more educated and experienced than I am are applying for the same jobs.

To be completely honest, I don’t want to talk about job hunting anymore. It depresses me to think about it, let alone linger on it long enough to blog about it. Instead I shall write about those things that help cheer me up.

For example, I’m super addicted to Star Trek: The Next Generation right now. I found this awesome person on YouTube who has put most of the episodes online, as long one doesn’t mind watching them in 10 minute increments. It’s cheaper than renting them…

Between that and my usual gaming regimen, that’s pretty much my life outside of job hunting. I was hoping to not only have a job by now, but be moved down to Long Beach; the disappointment is huge.

I am coping.

Entry 51: "Fuck you, Facebook."

When I deleted my FaceBook account, they asked for "more information" as to why I deleted my account. The following is exactly what I wrote. Enjoy.

"I spend more time acclimating myself to FB's ever-changing, and more and more invasive, "privacy policies." I would rather spend my time communicating with my friends than having to continually read, update, change, and familiarize myself with privacy "settings" that do nothing more than make my information more available to companies I want nothing to do with. I don't play "games" so why would I want my information shared with them? Furthermore, when FB implemented that change that made all my likes and interests PUBLIC without an option to OPT OUT I deleted everything on my profile--a profile I had spent YEARS fine-tuning and making my own. You invaded my private space, FB and I don't appreciate it. With all due respect, because I did enjoy getting in touch with old friends, FUCK YOU FACEBOOK AND FUCK YOU MARK ZUCKERBURG.":

Entry 50--AKA: "Plans, plans, plans."

Ninety-four days until I graduate. Like most things I look forward to, each day seems longer than the last. Jason asked me last night when I'm going to start looking for a job and the reality of the future hit me like a ton of bricks. It may seem like a long time but ninety days is only three months. THREE MONTHS. It's hard to think that something that seemed so far away just a few years ago is here on my doorstep. I will start looking for a job in April. I have to find something in/around Long Beach: I must. I want to move away from here, away from this place, and I have already committed myself to it by telling everyone we know that I'll be moving this summer. There's no excuse now; I have to do it.

I've already started working on my resume so I can apply for jobs at colleges in Southern California. I've been looking at one district in particular, the Los Angeles Community College District.  I'm not hoping for anything grand--just a clerical position, or even an administrative assistant, to get my foot in the door. I can move around from there to something a little more desirable.  If they had some kind of library position open....well that would just about make my LIFE, but I'm not going to press my luck.

I also wouldn't mind working with students.  It's not that I don't enjoy working with students, it's just I don't want to do it the rest of my life. Not teaching.

I'll be putting in for jobs just about everywhere though. Like I said, I really want to move so if I have to suck it up and work somewhere awful (i.e. retail) then so be it. I hope I have more qualifications than that but I know the job market is saturated with people and I may not be the most "qualified" person out there. Fine. At this point it's more important to me to get myself down to LA and be able to maintain a reasonable lifestyle (y'know...rent/food) long enough so I can get my MLIS. I don't feel I'm asking for anything unachievable.

I am so glad this quarter is (almost) over. This last round of papers might just kill me. On a more positive note, one of the papers I thought was supposed to be 12 pages only had to be 7-10, but that's the one that is giving me the most trouble. At the moment I have 10 pages of...well, verbal vomit, and the damned thing is due tomorrow. I have a feeling that tonight will be an all-nighter but if I only pull one this quarter than I'll take it. I tend to have at least 2/quarter so that'll be an improvement.

That's all. I have to get ready for class...(sigh). With that I'll leave you with a poem that has really inspired me for the last few months:

"El Hombre" by William Carlos Williams

It's a strange courage
You give me ancient star:

Shine alone in the sunrise
Toward which you lend no part.

Another Comcast Complaint

We have finally canceled our television service because we cannot take it anymore. Our internet was down for two weeks, and every time we would call they would put us on hold until we hung up. Finally, after about 10 calls, we talked to someone and we just canceled our television service, just to spite them. The guy came out to put a hold on our tv service, and somehow canceled our second IP address. We call them, and they want us to pay ANOTHER "activation fee" to hook up the IP address WE ALREADY HAD, THAT THE \"TECHNICIAN\" CANCELED. They've done this several times: the "tech" comes out and somehow removes/destroys/alters our service, and they charge us AGAIN for something we already should have. We have looked at other services, but there are NO OTHER cable services in our area. PRETTY SCARY that next year everyone will have to switch to dish or cable, and comcast has a monopoly in our area. Even worse, there is NO ORGANIZATION, government or otherwise, that a consum
er can complain about them. Right now we are between a rock and hard spot because we cannot afford and cannot have dish (we rent), we don\'t want dial-up, and comcast is the only cable in offered in our area.

Lame!

I could write a novel about all the wrongs we\'ve been forced to endure. I just wish that there was someone/some place who CARED, or that Comcast would be forced to share their lines with another company. I would even PAY MORE to get cable through another company. I think what we\'re going to be forced to do is MOVE so we have more choices.
Damage Resulting = -Everytime we have upgraded our service, the \"technician\" hasn\'t shown up for the appointment. We call, and we end up having to take more time off work/wait more hours for the \"technician\" to show up.
-I have lost count of how many times they have hung up on us for complaining.
-They \"customer service\" is rude, and none of them know what they are talking about EVER. I know more about cable service than any of them do! It took 45 minutes (well, before they hung up on us) just to get them to tell us we didn\'t have a second IP address. Literally, we asked them \"do we have a second IP on the account?\" and they would say \"hold, I\'ll transfer you to ____\" and transfer us to another dept.
-Our internet goes down once a month--without fail. For at least a week, or sometimes, every night after 9 pm for several weeks. We have complained, and they say we\'re in a \"black out area.\" However, it\'s not removed from our bill.
-We have had to take several days off of work in order to \"wait\" for the cable technician everytime we have to make an appointment. The \"Tech\" never shows, shows up several hours late, or we are forced to make a second appointment. This has happened ALMOST EVERY SINGLE TIME. Now, we are smart and make our appointment on Fridays, so at least we\'ll get a three day weekend.