Entry 48--AKA: "Pain."

My right calf hurts and my left big toe hurts. In completely unrelated incidents I've managed to render my walking painful with each step.

First, on the bus yesterday I went to sit down and just as I set my bag down the bus accelerated and I fell back into the seat slamming my right calf into the edge of the chair. I have a pretty hefty bruise there now and when it even brushes against anything (even my pants) the pain shoots up my leg; that dull bruise pain that doesn't require a limp but makes one want to limp out of self-pity.

Second, last night I discovered a slight pain in my left big toe due to the beginnings of an ingrown toenail. I cut the nail and pulled the nail away only to create a river-like flow of blood from the place where the nail used to be. The nail wasn't even that deep: I've pulled out ones much deeper without even a drop of blood or even redness, but this one would not stop. Even this morning when I pulled the band aid off it was entirely soaked through and it started bleeding again. After a thorough washing and application of rubbing alcohol and neosporin I'm fairly certain it will heal in a few days, but in the meantime it hurts. A lot.

Moral of the story? That my life is so interesting at the moment that I'm reduced to blogging about my physical ailments, aches and pains.

As far as other forms of pain, the quarter is grueling. Let me emphasize that: grueling. It's not so much the classes as it is in my head. My motivation for school has become nil. I find it hard to do even the most basic of school assignments and my expectations have dropped to an all-time low. At times I'm even appalled at how much I don't care about what goes on in class to the point where I find myself physically forcing myself to write notes and even then am barely taking more than a page or two.

147 days.

147 days and then I graduate and I don't have to read (what I don't want to read, of course), or write papers, or contribute to mindless class discussions, or try to make a teacher feel as though I might be deserving of a passing grade.

147 days.

I am glad I am at the end of my education track. If I felt like this last year I would have dropped out of school. Needless to say it's almost over and that thought is the only thing getting me through. It's almost over and I can start working on other things. I can't wait to be an adult again.

Entry 47--AKA: "A cute moment."

I was walking to the bus stop today when I passed a gas station at Mace and Chiles in Davis. At a pump, with the gas hose sticking out of the side of his SUV, an older man was watching with joy a young boy--probably his grandson--stand on the hood of his car with the window cleaner, attempting to clean his front window. The man had lifted the boy up to the hood, and the boy was trying his best to squeegee the window clean. The boy could not have been older than four or five and to watch him stand on the hood of the car with his grandfather relishing every moment of the young boys attempts were refreshing--I could not help but smile. The grandfather saw me and he smiled at me:

"Have a good day!" he shouted to me, grinning.

"You too!" I yelled in reply as I laughed at the boy who seemed to get such joy from washing the window.

As I stood at the bus stop I watched the man take the gas pump from his SUV, then help the boy down from the hood. The boy ran over to put the squeegee away and grabbed a handful of paper towels, and hurried back to the car where he began wiping away dirt from the back bumper. I heard the grandfather laugh and urge the boy into the car.

I found this whole event charming. For a moment I did not feel sad for the world as I have so much lately. I was pleased that--even for a moment--two people got such joy from the act of one child and I was happy I got to be one of them. I should have said thank you.

Sometimes I guess I should just slow down and say thank you. Lesson learned.