Entry 49

I am exhausted. Exhausted. This point cannot be overstated. I keep telling myself this will be over soon; I will be an adult again, soon. That's the problem, really is that that I feel like a child again. I have no job and though I have no desire to have a job with school I still wish I had a way of earning more than $500 a month. It's sad that I'm almost 29 and I am relying on Jason for everything and I feel guilty--though he never makes me feel that way--even asking for things I need like shoes and bras.

It will be over soon, but as with all things we long for, not soon enough. Only 126 days and I'll be able to find a job and, probably most importantly, move. I long for a change of perspective and I think more than than anything I am looking forward to moving to Long Beach. I will be minutes from the ocean where the weather is almost always perfect and I'll be close to Noelle again. I think that's what I'm looking forward to more than anything: being able to call up my best friend and hang out with her on the fly instead of planning weekend trips months in advance to crash on her floor.

The perspective, though, is what is really needed. I need to see new things, meet new people, learn new streets and experience a different latitude (longitude? I was never good at geography). I am tired of Sacramento and its streets and its experiences. I have lived here for 29 years and though I know things have changed, I take those changes for granted. I want to go away and when I return feel the awe of building I thought would never fall be gone; see houses I've driven past year after year change; see businesses change and people change and...

You get the picture.