Entry 3--AKA: "My definition of a successful week."

Work drama aside this week has been awesome. I am so very happy about how this semester is shaping up that I am almost sad that I'm done with ARC. Isn't that the way it goes? Just about time you get comfortable is about the same time you're done with whatever you're comfortable in. I can only hope that I am this successful at Davis as I have been at ARC this semester. Allow me to recap my week, at least in academic terms.

Monday was your average Monday: frantically trying to catch up on all the homework I didn't do last weekend, but I was let down that my Philosophy instructor had not finished grading our tests from last week. I studied, alot, for my Anthropology test on Tuesday and I was really stressing this test. I have been on a major "B" streak this semester in both my Philosophy class and my Anthropology class so far this semester and though, under normal circumstances, I wouldn't normally care this semester it is frustrating. I should not be getting B's in my Anthropology class--this class is definitely not rocket science by any stretch. I know why: I have absolutely no interest in this class, the subject matter, or being awake at the time of the morning of this particular class. At 7:30 in the morning my first cup of coffee hasn't even kicked in yet! I know it's no excuse, which is why I went the extra mile to prepare for this test.

Tuesday I got out of bed early which is almost shocking since I think it was the first time in three weeks I haven't slept through my alarm and ran out of the house in a frenzy to get to class on time. I did, however, have, not one, but two revelations in the shower which perturbed me and made me start of the day in a fit of anxiety. I had forgotten to study this definition that I thought sure would be on the test, and I realized I had forgotten to email some information to a friend from my Anthropology class regarding the test. I hate when I forget things. I hurried through my shower, threw my crap in my bag and rushed out of my house to get to my test on time. I was the first person to finish the test (per the usual) and I went to the cafeteria to read for my Literature class. While on my way to my Literature class I had an anxiety attack that really took me off-guard. In a matter of minutes it suddenly hit me the scope of all the life-changing decisions I, or more appropriately: we, have had to make the last few months and our future. Suddenly I was freaked out about my transfer: would I be good enough to transfer? Am I smart enough? What if I fail? What if I can't even pay for it to find out if I would be a success? What if we can't get a loan for a house? What if we buy a house and it collapses? What if, what if, what if??? By the end of it I found myself sitting on the floor of Davies hall in front of my lit class my hands in a white-knuckle grip around the handles of my bag, holding my breath and staring straight ahead at a wall. I must've looked like a nut job. I came out of it, rattled, but I survived. It was the first anxiety attack I've had regarding all of this, as long as you don't count my string of nightmares involving my Davis application last October.

On a personal note, rather than academic, Tuesday night we had to take Jason's mom to the emergency room. She's okay--it was nothing serious, fortunately--but we were at the hospital until almost 2 in the morning. I was absolutely exhausted by the time we got home but I managed to go to work the next day. I still haven't managed to catch up on my sleep but I hope to this weekend. Give me one Saturday where I can sleep until I want to and I should be good.

Wednesday my Philosophy instructor passed back our much-anticipated (at least I was anticipating) test. I couldn't believe it: I got a 94%! I was so happy. He wrote on the board the curve for the class, which was astonishing.
A-5
B-1
C-1
D-1
F-6
When he did that, which was right before he passed back the tests, I had this moment of self-doubt and found myself whispering "please be an A, please be an A, please be an A" over and over until he handed me my test. Have I said I was happy? Oh, more than that: ecstatic. Overjoyed. Overwhelmed. Not bad for someone who is not good at math in a class that is basically math disguised as philosophy. I did not have an anxiety attack that day, but part of that may be because I was on only 5 hours of sleep. We will never know.

Thursday. Today. Well, for one, I'm glad it's over. I woke up late, but not terribly, and made it to class just on-time. Our instructor handed out our tests from Tuesday and--holy crap--96%! I am so happy I finally broke my streak of B's! I think at this point I officially have a shot at getting a 4.0 this semester, which is, well, AWESOME. What a way to end my time at ARC.

This week I was also asked to be on a hiring committee for an English Writing instructor, which is a huge honor but is also really exciting. One of my literature teachers from last semester asked me on Tuesday and it was the teacher whose class I really struggled in last semester. ("Struggled" is kind of harsh, but I definitely had to work hard in her class!) I am so flattered that she thought of me, but I am really looking forward to being a part of the process because I know someday I will have to go through that experience again and it will only help me to know what is going on on the other side.

What else? I think that's it. Work is still kind of sucking, but I'm over complaining about it, at least at the moment. Thanks for reading. It's always a pleasure to know you're out there.