During my angsty late teens and early twenties I managed to pierce myself in several places in order to look as tough as I felt I might be. It was an interesting time in my life. It started with my tongue (at 18) and ended with the right side of my lip (at 21). In between I managed to put at least 5 holes in each ear (though not all at the same time), and a hole in my left eyebrow. At my worst I looked like a closeted butch lesbian who was angry with her parents for not accepting her, despite her lack of attempts and "coming out." (No offense if you are a butch lesbian attempting to come out and are feeling angry about it!) Anyway, somewhere around 23 (give or take 6 months, I am still having a hard time piecing out those years because of the booze intake) I decided I didn't want any piercings--everyone had them and they were getting "played out." So, I took every one out, except the tongue stud because of sentimental reasons. After all, it was my first body piercing, I went with Noelle and I nearly passed out afterwards.
Moving on.
Instead of piercings I focused on tattoos and I haven't looked back. Of course, with tattoos, everyone has them and they are getting played out but I cut my losses and figure if I ever don't like them I will wear sweaters for the rest of my life. I can live with that. Where was I going with all this? Oh, yes....
In taking out all my piercings I also took out all my ear piercings. I had three in each ear at one time, and I think one in each upper ear. All. Gone. I took them out and never looked back. Until Yesterday.
Saturday morning I'm standing in Target obsessing over the shower curtain I'm going to buy my brother for a wedding gift. After I find a plain one, at a reasonable cost, I'm on my way to the front when I see the CUTEST pair of earrings. Little hanging silver stars, lumped together in a package with 5 other earrings. "Dare I try to poke those through my ears today?" It's been a good 4 years since the last time I wore earrings, I'm not even sure I have open holes anymore. I buy them and figure if nothing else I can re-pierce them with a needle, if I have to.
I get home and try them out (with the help of a little rubbing alcohol). Lo and behold! the holes are still there! Two on my left ear and one on my right. Super. I wore the earrings all day Saturday and I was so happy I think I'm going to make this a regular thing. Earrings. What a concept. I had forgotten I even had the ability.
The wedding was nice, too. What can I say? It's nothing like how I want to have a wedding. Pay a fortune, and for what? A few photo-ops so people can stand around and talk to each other about how beautiful the wedding is? What taste they have? Hm...not my cup of tea. Don't get me wrong, it's what my brother and his wife wanted so I'm glad they could have it. I'm just saying that if I had that kind of money to spend I would have something else to do with it. Buy a house? Go to Europe? Finish school? Bah...those kids have money coming out their asses so I guess they don't value it as much as I do. I'm happy for them, I know they're in love and will be happy; I just disagree with their politics.
My wedding will be like this:
1. Outside.
2. "BYO" everything--I'm not your momma.
3. Transients will set up chairs, in exchange they can wander the aisles and panhandle during the ceremony--as long as they're not too loud.
4. The vows will be written by each one of us and read to each other. Backwards. To invoke the devil.
5. The "priest" will be dressed like a Simpsons character dressed like Elvis. He will have a poor southern accent and be nearly fall-down drunk.
The reception will consist of:
1. Several days, if not weeks, of camping.
2. Drinking.
3. More drinking.
4. Laughing.
5. Bad jokes, including "your momma," "sexist," "a guy walks into a bar," and "some guys on a boat," and "blonde."
6. Four words: Pooping In The Woods.
7. Dancing around a campfire.
8. Telling ghost stories.
If you're interested let me know. I'm on the "Torres Ten Year plan" so it should be sometime between now and 2018. So keep open every August 20th between now and then.
That's not too much to ask, is it?
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